What You Need to Know About Closed Adoption

Adoption is a choice often offered if a mother cannot care for her baby in the way she desires to. Many adoptions are open or semi-open and those are good and legitimate choices. But if a mother decides that the best thing for her child would be complete separation, closed adoption might be the best option. This is a difficult decision, with many facets, and there can be no overlooking the emotional toll of adoption. But there are benefits to a closed adoption, for birthparents, adoptive parents, and children, that should be acknowledged and considered.

For a birthmother, closed adoption can be incredibly difficult. It may feel like she is going against everything she’s programmed to do! These feelings are legitimate and should not be erased or downplayed, and the birthmother may want to consider joining a support group for birthparents (sources at the end of this article). The process of adoption is one that takes a long time, but there are some good and beautiful things that can come out of adoption for the birthparent. According to the American Pregnancy Association, birthmothers may see closed adoptions as giving them privacy. They also may feel reduced fear of stigmatization from friends and family members. Birthmothers may, in addition, feel a sense of closure that enables them to move on with their lives. If taking care of a child would have endangered a birthmother’s ability to work or go to school, she can return to the workplace or the educational sphere. She could go to trade school or find an internship she loves. She may have had the ability to help pick out a family for her child, so she knows that her child is safe and happy. Even if she hasn’t, she can be confident that the birthparents have passed an extreme vetting process to ensure that they will be good parents. She may grieve for her child, which is normal and healthy—the U.S. Department of Child Welfare has an entire document telling birthparents what to expect—but after a while, her life will resume.

For adoptive parents, closed adoption also has many benefits and challenges. The “settling-in” period can be difficult, and they may worry about family bonding, especially if they have other children. But, difficult though it might be, closed adoption provides the opportunity for the family to become truly cohesive, without the chance of confusing a child who interacts with multiple families in an open or semi-open adoption. Closed adoptions also give parents a choice on whether they would like to tell the child of the adoption. For adoptive parents who are unable to have children of their own, adoption gives them the chance to raise a happy family. Families with adopted children are truly families, and they will bring a lot of love and joy to all family members. The Child Welfare Department has a document on what adoptive parents should expect before, during, and after an adoption, and it is suggested that prospective adoptive parents read it and do a lot of research before deciding on closed adoption for their family.

The children are, ultimately, the main focus of adoption. Again, there are challenges and benefits to a closed adoption for the children. The children may struggle with identity or feel unconnected, especially in adolescence, and may act out. But it is pure myth that every child will act this way, or that these feelings are permanent. According a study cited on FamilyEducation.com, adopted children are often equal to their non-adopted peers in terms of social skills, connectedness, and overall happiness. They are often highly empathetic and enjoy strong support from their families and friends. These children are also distanced from possible issues and unstable situations in the family of their birthparents. Though no life is free from struggles and difficulties, closed adoption gives children the chance to grow up in an environment that pushes them forward, with nothing to hold them back.

Potential Advantages:

Birthparents	Adopted Children	Adoptive Parents
Sense of closure More privacy Reduced fear of confrontation about decision	No blurred lines surrounding parenting, which could lead to interference Protection against unstable birth families	More freedom to live as a family without fear of outside intrusion No blurred lines surrounding parenting, which could lead to interference

Source: http://americanpregnancy.org/adoption/closed-adoption-advantages/

Potential Disadvantages:

Birthparents	Adopted Children	Adoptive Parents
Grief stemming from lack of information about the child Denial that the child was born and placed for adoption Guilt from being unable to explain reasons for adoption Belief that they have abandoned their child Lack of information about the child	Confusion about identity due to lack of information about birth family Limited access to information, such as medical history and ancestral knowledge Preoccupation with their adoption	Fear that birthmother will change her mind Limited knowledge of birth family’s medical history Less personal control in communicating with birth family

Source: http://americanpregnancy.org/adoption/closed-adoption-disadvantages/

For a list of additional adoption resources, click here.